Wednesday, June 18, 2008

How to be a good atheist

With the rapid stampede of the Australian population to atheism, CASE, being the absolute authority on all things atheistic has put forward some tips on being a good atheist. CASE is concerned about these 'new atheists' going nuts with the new found freedom that atheism offers. Recent converts like Belinda Neal, Michelle Leslie and Wayne Carey show that becoming an atheist can lead to out of control behaviour:-

Above Left: Wayne Carey as a clean, church-going christian
Above Right Wayne Carey the day after converting to atheism, it was all downhill from there.

On the pretence of preventing this type of bad behaviour from atheists which may damage our cause, CASE has now published The Atheist Readers Guide to Morality (How to live your life) which is available from all good bookstores (RRP: $29.95). All new converts to atheism should purchase this book. If you don't you will be letting us all down.

CASE performed much research in preparing this resource, including checking other books prepared by theists such as How to stay Christian in college by J. Budziszewski, How to be Good in a world gone Bad by James S. Spiegel and How to get your Husband to go to church with you by Vivian D'Arezzo. Although CASE notes most theist material is just evil propoganda, these materials were helpful in understanding how to communicate your point of view to an audience. Plus it works bloody well for them.

^ One for the ladies

CASE also studied various online sites which were quite instructive including the "How to live a Good Christian life" on wikihow which is quite instructive. From these materials CASE formulated its 700 page manual on atheist morality in the 21st century. Some brief tips include:-

  1. Your first task should be to join an atheist society or club, this will prevent you from slipping back into faith.

  2. Acknowledge you've been a believer and then repent. Realize that conversion is not simply one act but the beginning of a life-long struggle. Don't be hard on yourself if and when you fail, pick yourself up and trust in Hitchens.

  3. Next, surround yourself with atheists. There is no point wasting your life with "no-hoper" theists who will never change.

  4. Encourage everyone in your family to talk about religious issues. Record their beliefs and inform your local atheist group about their beliefs. Someone there may be able to tell you how they can be converted to atheism: the one true belief.

  5. Read your Darwin, Dawkins and Hitchens. You can really learn a lot from this.

  6. Volunteer to help people. For example, you could take a shift at a soup kitchen near you, help with a Christmas effort to give gifts to the poor on Christmas, or visit a people staying in a nursing home.

  7. Share your beliefs and spread the good news. Remember, living the atheist life through your actions will make others want to follow atheism. Always stick up for your beliefs.

  8. Understand that atheists believe Dawkins said they would be persecuted for their beliefs, so do not allow others' attacks to weaken your faith.

  9. Treat others kindly as you would like to be treated. Even simple acts of kindness like holding a door open for someone are good deeds

With these simple tips you can become a shining example of atheism in your community. Remember, we dont want anyone thinking bad things about atheism as that may damage CASE and atheism generally. So if you do get caught with a bloody champagne glass or a bag of illicit narcotics, make a quick conversion back to Christianity (or Islam if you are in Indonesia) - for the team.


Steve said...

What a bunch of baloney. Why waste all your time and energy to pretend you're "good". I doubt that you actually think you are good. How many times have you lied? How many times have you stolen? How many times have you taken ecstasy? Is this your definition of good? Eternity is a long time. You might be wrong, will you risk it for this nonsense?

CASE - now with science said...

Pascal's wager doesn't mean much to CASE. Nor do fear tactics.

The time has come for humans to treat each other openly without subjugation to an imaginary overlord. CASE admits it is not perfect, but then again neither are you steve.

In answer to your queries

How many times have you lied?:-

0 - CASE checks all answers thoroughly before giving them

How many times have you stolen?:-

0 - Those donations were legal, no matter what the police say

How many times have you taken ecstasy?:-

0 - Our organization does not take ecstasy, it sells ecstasy.

Is this your definition of 'good'?

Yes, lifting the veil of ignorance from poor people like yourself is a good all in itself.

Look forward to hearing from you further.

Jake Elwood XVI said...

Your first answer is hilarious. "CASE checks all answers thoroughly before giving them".

How many times have you posted a recantation when your "checked answers" are wrong, i.e. Desmond Tutu & Pythag & a Fishy Story?

0 - CASEsans is right even when he is wrong.

When have you shown humility, despite being incorrect?

0 - CASEsans can not be humble because this is not constructed from empathy.

CASEsans is wanting you to have the same veil as he wears.